Why, hello.

The saying "We weren't meant to for time, our beings are eternal" comes to mind right about now. I remember at certain times in the past two months trying so hard to make moments last, to ingrain certain landscapes or Filipino faces into my mind, but I also remember moments in bed late at night anticipating when I would hold my family in my arms at the Norfolk Airport. Times wishing that my teammates and I had more in common, or desiring to sit down with my closest friends and worship the lord with instruments and vocal chords. As I sit here and even try to write one single thought down I am unable to. Every moment, every tear, every prayer answered, every pain that was taken away by the blood of Jesus, all of this comes together to form one thought in my mind.

"Who is man that you are mindful of him" Psalms 8:4

Who am I Abba that you are mindful of me? Who am I that you would choose to send you son to die for me? Who am I that you would choose to send me to be your hands and feet, to love like you love, to bless like you bless, to give life as you are life, who am I? A good friend of mine recently asked me, "If you can sum up this trip in three words, what would they be?" and as hard as it was to answer this question, with some thought I answered, "Humility, patience, and purelove." Even though purelove is one word, the English language doesn't have a word for it, and love is such a overused, underrated word we use these days I thought it proper to combine pure and love into one word. I answered humility for many reasons, one being based on the verse above,. I cannot fathom my Father's grace that He would love me through my selfishness, my pride, my ignorance and arrogance. I am humbled by the Filipino people who are so open to love, so open to listen, so open to feed, to clothe, to share even when they have nothing. I am humbled more every time the Lord reveals to me more of His Word to me and I realize how dumb I am sometimes when I choose to disobey Him. I answered patience because my team situation. Of course I love them all so much, they bring so much joy to my heart and soul, and I couldn't have picked a better outreach team. I think the main difference was purely of culture, and even though people views Canadians and Americans as the same, we are not. Americans are aggressive by nature, outgoing by nature, and me being an extreme case of aggressive and outgoing it was sure to clash with Canadians who are introverted by nature, calm and reserved by nature, and soft spoken in the extreme form of the word. I think I was ill prepared for the differences of Canadian culture and my own. God really used these differences during outreach to refine my character and to teach me to be patient with communication and with everything, really. And purelove because God's purelove, when shone on my face, cast out all fears in me. Fears of inadequacy in worship leading, fears of needles, motorcycles, and cockroaches. These all seem like pity fears, but everyone has something they fear, something that God will challenge them to face if we let Him. His purelove was transferred form me to the beautiful young faces of Filipino women as I was able to speak life, healing, and prophesy over them. I'm so thankful to the Lord for teaching me a bit of these three things during the past two months in the Philippine Islands.

Hopefully one day I will write more experiences and testimonies down, but I am too overwhelmed with change for any of that right now. 

Here is my last entry from my journal during our 12 hour flight from Manila to Vancouver:

"It's five in the morning, or something like that. Everyone else is in a deep sleep, dreaming of who they will meet at the conclusion of this airborne journey. At the same time I am staring out my window at the starts and clouds intricately breathed into perfect position. Suddenly a flicker, then a burst of hot red sun explodes into the horizon of white evaporation around me. Who but an airplane traveler can experience such a  wonder! All I know right now is that God loves me enough that even when all else is asleep, He let's me in on His mystery of Creation. I can't help but ponder how much greater eternity will be with this same Savior who loves me. "