...and most importantly.

I didn't even say what initially inspired me to write tonight! I meant to say that I am excited to live out my life in a radical way. I am excited to not only speak about it, write about it, and sing about it, but actually to LIVE out radical re ignition with my actions. I was reading in Isaiah and God says something along the lines of, "those who keep the sabbath and choose those things which place me...". WHOA! I can choose to please God with my actions! And I plan to do that. I will not compromise by willfully doing anything that draws me away from the Father's heart. Call me radical, but I would only take it as a compliment! I'm talking about little things, the sins we Westerners tend to "wink" at. Things like watching gross movies and listening to music because maybe the artist is Christian and drinking a glass of beer because it is relaxing. Before you shut off to me, hear me out. This is not religion I am talking about here, this is a pure act of relinquishing my rights as a pure love act of sacrifice to God, in hopes to please Him. Agree with me or disagree, but it is not you I am living for, and it is not you whom I'll answer to. A good friend of mine once said to me, "the simple actions we make in this short, meaningless life will dictate how we will with Jesus for eternity!" and I couldn't agree with a statement more. I will be hated by this world, I will be spat at and laughed at and turned down by many in my own church, but I will be in communion with God, and I will be filled with His presence and joy during the tough and the easy.

I want to seriously challenge you tonight. I want to to take an emotional step back from your busy life and think about the "little" things that you let slip by in your life. Think of the "little" things you personally compromise in because of laziness, because of pride, because of sheer rebellion. Think about how important those little things are to you, compared to being intimate with the Father. That's it, just think about it. If you want, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal in you any hidden sins or parts of your heart that have become calloused to this messy world. 

Why not be radical? Why not call heaven to earth? Why not actually try living what we say instead of expecting other around us to first act out this biblical lifestyle?


Now seriously, good night.

radical reignition? sure let's call it that.

It's 2 in the morning, and with this jet lag I will never sleep. So I will not lay in bed doing something unproductive (if you know me well, go ahead and do a little "haha") but instead I will write about my very eventful day. I am in a pensive mood for two reasons. One, because of my extremely intense day but also because 2 in the morning is a special hour for me. I remember many nights with close friends at 2 in the morning. I remember the sweet sounds of an acoustic guitar mixed with prayers and songs and words of wisdom and revelation from the Father to us. I remember resting in the presence of God with some of the most passionate, loving, interesting and beautiful people I have ever met. I remember that fat cat, the smells, the pictures on the wall that I would pretend to study as I soak up every minute of my surroundings. I remember this all so vividly as if it was last yesterday that I experienced this, and not five months ago. I also remember coffee and waffles, two of my favorite things. I remember chocolate milk while I was on my period  and so completely exhausted from the Burn sets we played previously that evening. Yeah, you get the point, now I'm totally rambling.  I fully understand no one will read this, but that is comforting in a way because I can write freely and creatively without a worry. So yes, I will write about my day while listening to a poor recording of a song I wrote called Dove and a bit of Misty.

My day started off in a lovely manner! I called my parents who just this morning returned to the US from their free cruise, and they were very excited and bubbly with stories and laughs. I can immediately upon hearing them share their experience understand that I have changed so much since last April. Instead of being frustrated and jealous because they went on a cruise without me, I was so overjoyed for them to experience such fun and relaxation! I'm just being extremely honest and open here. Isn't that awesome?! I want to be known for who I really am. I now want to be know for my real thoughts and actions, both good and bad. Pride is defined by "the inability to be known for who you really are" and that is the opposite of what Jesus tells me to be. He says in Colossians 3:12 ish to clothe yourselves with humility, so here I am, living out what I am expecting of other people around me to the best of my ability with the power of Holy Spirit! Haha! I am rambling so much I am making myself laugh. Ooooohkay. I chatted with my dad but unfortunately ran out of time before the conversation was over to talk with my mom because it was time to go to church! I went to The Bridge with my lovely host parents whom I love so much, Dave and Laura. (They are awesome people, and I might go into detail about them later, I have a feeling I will not sleep tonight.) Pastor Ian spoke of re-ignition, and it was SUCH a timely and spirit-led preaching. I think it might have been the first time I noticed a drastic change in a local church community from apathy and disinterest to going forward in a Biblical manner to advance the kingdom of God and meet Him in the most intimate way. I know for a fact and believe with all my heart that it is because of the prayers of His righteous people in this community that this change has and will continue to take place. I can't remember everything Ian spoke on, forgive me, but the jest of it was focused on John 20 and Acts 1:5-2:ish. Ian was talking about when Jesus returned to His disciples after His resurrection and taught them for forty days. At the end of this teaching time He breathed on these 120 and baptized them in the spirit. After this event took place He told them to wait for the Helper (Holy Spirit) to come to them. So 120 of Jesus' crew went up into a small cramped room and waited. For ten days. Can you imagine what kind of attitude you would have after ten days of waiting for something to happen, but not really knowing what that something was? (I know that I, personally, would have an attitude of a diva! I might not show it outwardly, but God would see that I was being a diva, and He would laugh at me because I didn't know any better.) Anyways, these people, His church, they waited. Then on day ten, BAM the empowerment of the Holy Spirit came!! In Acts 2 it says His Spirit was poured out on every one of those people and they began to speak in all types of tongues and prophesy! I don't think it said exactly that, but bear with my rough translation for now please. So Pastor Ian went on to tell about how the beginning of baptism of the Holy Spirit is at initial acceptance of Jesus and water baptism, but the empowering of the Holy Spirit, where we see God move His hand in our lives supernaturally through prophesy and tongues and all that, should happen everyday! I definitely agreed with him (maybe a bit too vocally than most church-goers are comfortable with) and was so happy to see that message being preached in the church!

 After church I went home and finished my phone conversation with my parents. I talked to all three of my sisters and my mom and then ran out of skype credit just as my mom was saying how she would love to move to Canada with just me and staff a school with YWAM. Then I kindly reminded her she has three other young children who need her at home. She responded by saying parents in the Navy do things of this nature all the time. I think it was God's timing to shut the conversation off there. Thanks to Dave and Laura and their awesome hospitality, I could use their skype to finish up that conversation, while taking caution to leave out any comment concerning the previous discussion of abandonment of children for the ministry.

After that call I had an awesome time at my school graduation. Dave and Laura took me. In the car they asked me what my favorite coffee drink from this great place Zucchini Blossom was and I told them. Then a few minutes later they re-entered the church with that same drink! They are dear souls. It was a bitter sweet gathering, but I know I will see all my classmates again at some point in time. Maybe not all at the same time, but somehow each of them one way or another. Something deep down in my spirit tells me I will be back here in Medicine Hat, Alberta again. I didn't even have a proper goodbye with any of my classmates, which was weird for me. But anyways we shot footage for the Pursuit internship promo video, which is always fun for me because I love words, but the guys in my class needed me to coach them on how to stand and where to look and stuff. It was a good, fun time.I felt a release from that place for now to grow and experience the world for myself. I am eighteen and I have so much to do before settling into one place, especially a place so far from home.

Then I had dinner with Willie and the Daw family. I had an amazing talk with Sarah Daw, so awesome in fact that I don't even have enough energy to write it down (not that any of this is blog worthy, I'll probably just delete it in the morning, but you know what I mean). I so enjoyed the time Sarah took out of her family dinner to give me advice about going home and about vision and about really everything going on in my life and my walk with Jesus. I appreciate her friendship, and I know I will know her well my whole life.


Then I came home and was able to skype my good friend, Ben. We talked about how everything was changing, how every one in our "family"  is either going away or will be going away from home. We talked about time and growing and prophesy. It's always a good time talking to Ben. I don't think he knows it yet but he is a very big encouragement to me.

Then....here I am.

I am covered with pillows and blankets and I am getting frustrated with my broken glasses that keep falling off my face. I'm sure you would chuckle now if you could see me here in the middle of the night, typing away.

Back to the point of being real, I am struggling with bitterness towards some things. So much so, that I find myself talking about it with other people. I can feel my heart saying "Stop! You are gossiping. You know better, God has shown you better!" but my dumb mouth keeps babbling on and on. My heart does NOT want to stay bitter, but my mind does not know how to rectify this situation. So Holy Spirit come, help me, guide me into the way that would best mend this hole in my heart towards this specific issue.

I will say it again, even though I have said it many times, I am in love. I am in love with Jesus, my bridegroom and my redeemer. I cannot wait to be married to Him one day, and I feel that day will be soon! If you don't know what I'm talking about, facebook John-Mark Gal and he'll tell you all about it. Or just study the book of revelation and the parables that Jesus taught and Holy Spirit will show you. I am IN love with Him, I tell you. It's very real! So real in fact that it's almost painful to ponder. The true cry of my heart is that this zeal the Lord has given me for His house will not turn into my own enthusiasm over time, but it will continually create in me a clean heart, one worthy of His affections, and it will guide me on the path of righteousness, ever seeking to be further up and farther into the deeper things.

As deep calls unto deep, and as my pillow cries to my head, I relinquish my right of free speech for the night. I hope that as you read this, if anyone does, that you will become less interested and less curious about me. I hope this because I am , in fact, very boring and dull compared to the glory of the Father that awaits you in the very special way God created you to commune with Him. I challenge you to find out what that way is. I feel I am just starting to develop this unique love language, and already I am enamored by His creativity and knowledge of who I am and the knowledge of the perfect way in which I can relate to Him.

Good night!

Why, hello.

The saying "We weren't meant to for time, our beings are eternal" comes to mind right about now. I remember at certain times in the past two months trying so hard to make moments last, to ingrain certain landscapes or Filipino faces into my mind, but I also remember moments in bed late at night anticipating when I would hold my family in my arms at the Norfolk Airport. Times wishing that my teammates and I had more in common, or desiring to sit down with my closest friends and worship the lord with instruments and vocal chords. As I sit here and even try to write one single thought down I am unable to. Every moment, every tear, every prayer answered, every pain that was taken away by the blood of Jesus, all of this comes together to form one thought in my mind.

"Who is man that you are mindful of him" Psalms 8:4

Who am I Abba that you are mindful of me? Who am I that you would choose to send you son to die for me? Who am I that you would choose to send me to be your hands and feet, to love like you love, to bless like you bless, to give life as you are life, who am I? A good friend of mine recently asked me, "If you can sum up this trip in three words, what would they be?" and as hard as it was to answer this question, with some thought I answered, "Humility, patience, and purelove." Even though purelove is one word, the English language doesn't have a word for it, and love is such a overused, underrated word we use these days I thought it proper to combine pure and love into one word. I answered humility for many reasons, one being based on the verse above,. I cannot fathom my Father's grace that He would love me through my selfishness, my pride, my ignorance and arrogance. I am humbled by the Filipino people who are so open to love, so open to listen, so open to feed, to clothe, to share even when they have nothing. I am humbled more every time the Lord reveals to me more of His Word to me and I realize how dumb I am sometimes when I choose to disobey Him. I answered patience because my team situation. Of course I love them all so much, they bring so much joy to my heart and soul, and I couldn't have picked a better outreach team. I think the main difference was purely of culture, and even though people views Canadians and Americans as the same, we are not. Americans are aggressive by nature, outgoing by nature, and me being an extreme case of aggressive and outgoing it was sure to clash with Canadians who are introverted by nature, calm and reserved by nature, and soft spoken in the extreme form of the word. I think I was ill prepared for the differences of Canadian culture and my own. God really used these differences during outreach to refine my character and to teach me to be patient with communication and with everything, really. And purelove because God's purelove, when shone on my face, cast out all fears in me. Fears of inadequacy in worship leading, fears of needles, motorcycles, and cockroaches. These all seem like pity fears, but everyone has something they fear, something that God will challenge them to face if we let Him. His purelove was transferred form me to the beautiful young faces of Filipino women as I was able to speak life, healing, and prophesy over them. I'm so thankful to the Lord for teaching me a bit of these three things during the past two months in the Philippine Islands.

Hopefully one day I will write more experiences and testimonies down, but I am too overwhelmed with change for any of that right now. 

Here is my last entry from my journal during our 12 hour flight from Manila to Vancouver:

"It's five in the morning, or something like that. Everyone else is in a deep sleep, dreaming of who they will meet at the conclusion of this airborne journey. At the same time I am staring out my window at the starts and clouds intricately breathed into perfect position. Suddenly a flicker, then a burst of hot red sun explodes into the horizon of white evaporation around me. Who but an airplane traveler can experience such a  wonder! All I know right now is that God loves me enough that even when all else is asleep, He let's me in on His mystery of Creation. I can't help but ponder how much greater eternity will be with this same Savior who loves me. "

3 days until departure! (Outreach as a lifestyle)

"I have been transformed more each day with the revelation of how deep, how high, how vast the Fathers love is for me. The arrows of His grace and mercy have shattered into the core of my heart. Now my heart is beating to the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah, and things will never be the same!"

 This was my ending statement of what God has done in my life since I have come to the Pursuit DTS. It is so hard to believe that three months ha already gone by. It was flown past so quickly, but yet so much transformation has happened in my life. It is just a constant reminder to me that we are eternal beings, that this lifetime will pass away like a fleeting wind. That our memories are in the end meaningless, and nothing in this lifetime will carry over into the next. While this is a scary thought, it is also comforting to know that we were made for SO much more than this life. How awesome!


Well, today is Friday and we have 3 days until we leave for Manila. SO many emotions are going through my head right now, mostly of excitement and anticipation! All lecture business is coming to an end, and we are starting to meet as a team of 10 instead of 26. SO WEIRD! But awesome. I know God has chosen these specific people for His specific purpose these next two months! Bags are packed, spirits are stirred and hearts are broken for the Filipino people.


My heart on going on this outreach is just to continue living a "lifestyle of outreach" in my life. I have seen a lot of DTS teams come in and out from outreach with expectations that they are going to "fully live a life of testimony for outreach" or " To see people touched and healed with God's love while on outreach" but then don't continue to walk the walk or talk the talk even when they return. This reminds me of Paul when he writes a letter to the church of Philippia (ironically). He said is Philippians 1:15-18  " It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice." Now I'm not saying that other people's ambitions are wrong or falsely motivated. I just mean that I personally do not want to have any false motivation going on outreach, but instead I want  to just continue what I've been living out here in Medicine Hat! There have been so many incredible testimonies of God's faithfulness these past three months. We have seen many healed and seen many miracles. There was horrible flooding here about two weeks ago, so bad that we couldn't meet in our normal building. We met that week at a local church, but prayed long and hard and declared that the rain would stop in Jesus' name and it did!! It was sunny and hot for 8 days straight after that. Also I have had $3,000 of donations anonymously for my school that payed for my whole plane ticket and the remainder of my lecture funds! So awesome. God is so faithful.

I am excited to be able to lead worship for my team during outreach. Our goal is to buy a guitar during the trip and leave it there at the end of outreach. We will have a lot of time to love on the people, to pray for the sick and watch them be healed, to preach about the love of Christ and to share testimonies. More to come on outreach when I get to Manila!


Please continue to pray for the unity of our team to stay strong!! I love you all and can't wait to share about what God is doing in Asia!

Choice.

Watch this on youtube before you read this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvhGeNzdRZA

I choose not to focus on evil. I choose not to focus on fear. Because when I focus on evil I focus on the absence of God, and that is just dumb.

It's so simple! Don't focus on the negative. Focus on giving thanks and praise to God for ALL the grace and goodness He has put before us. 

Ephesians 5:20

The simple sentence that defines us.

 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:1-7

Now this is a passage of Scripture that is very commonly quoted among believers. If you have gone to church for more than three months, chances are you have heard to read this passage. A speaker last week told us to look up this passage and read it out loud. Everyone read it agreeing that love is pretty stinkin' sweet, and agreeing that we all have areas of love to work on. But the next thing the speaker said totally rocked my world. He said this:

" If God is love (1 John 4:8,16), and He is, than I want you to replace the word love in this passage with the word God..."

 What an amazing revelation on that Scripture!! This might be something you already have revelation on, but it was totally new to me. I got a prophetic word from someone the other day and they told me God wanted me to read more about His character in the Bible, so that I can know Him better. I don't think there is a more simple description on the character of God in the whole Bible! I'm getting even more revelation on it as I type! 

So often we as Christians in the western church feel like Holy Spirit is the most "neglected" of the Holy Trinity, but really it can just as easily be God the Father! What perfect love the Father has for us! (1 John 4:18) This is something I don't think I understood the meaning of until today. Our speaker this week's name is Ron White, and he is an awesome father of our faith. He talked about the father heart of God, and at the end he stood at the door to give everyone a real hug and father's blessing. Since I have an amazing, loving, Godly dad I didn't think this would be a struggle at all. "Just go and hug the nice old man, and then I can eat some yummy lunch!" was the thought that passed through my head and I skipped to the front of the line to hug Ron. As soon as he hugged me, he took me by my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes. I don't think anyone has ever done that before, so fearless and so intentional. He said the simple phrase.. "I love you. Do you know that?" As soon as this phrase left his mouth I already has tears streaming down my face. What a simple phrase, one sentence, yet I don't think anyone has ever said that phrase to me so meaningfully ever in my life. I know this was because God was using Him to speak to me, and I realized at that moment the smallest fraction of the love my Father in heaven has for me. I began to realize that most people's love for me is based on what I do for them, which is fine because I know that's how I can love sometimes. But to have a perfect stranger come up to you, who has never talked to you before expect in introductions, can look into your eyes and say I love you and mean it so purely. I knew this was because God had loved Him in that same way. I broke! What an amazing thing to experience. I don't think I will ever forget this day because I saw into the Father's eyes, and I saw His perfect love for me that wasn't based on any performance or attitude of my own. 

Ron had another good quote today and I thought it was cute: "We are called human beings not human doings for a reason!"

So let's just "be" with God, let's let Him LOVE us just because, and out of that a real desire to lead a holy and pure life will come out of that. But if we do not have love, we have NOTHING! Focus on that intimate relationship with the Father today, instead of trying to please Him with your actions. 

Shout out to Michelle Malpaya and Ben Larson who actually read this. You guys are awesome and I miss you :)